Uncle Sam Wants You
Here’s a new Fourth of July poem for y’all, with a special hat tip to a one line edit from my buddy the poet Joe Hoppe.
Uncle Sam wants you
Uncle Sam has wire whiskers on his chin
and he wants you
to shoot off firecrackers
on the fourth of July
not just shoot them off
Uncle Sam wants you
to love firecrackers so much
that you stuff them in your pants
before bed
the night before
the Fourth of July
he wants your nuts
your dicks
your pussies
all dripping with
firecracker gunpowder
and he wants you to
love America so much that
you blow the night sky to pieces
Uncle Sam has a big white hat
and he wants you
to eat hot dogs
on the fourth of July
not just eat them
Uncle Sam wants you
to grill them hot dogs
until they’re crispy
and smother them with ketchup
mustard and relish
he wants you to eat
hot dogs like a true
red blooded patriot
until you gag
on them weiners
and beg for more
yes! beg for
more American everything
Uncle Sam wears a dusty blue coat
and he wants you
to eat apple pie
on the Fourth of July
he wants you
to eat it eat it eat it
Uncle Sam is losing his old white hair
and he wants you
to drink beer
on the Fourth of July
he wants you to drink
Pabst Blue Ribbon Budweiser Coors
Miller Busch and Michelob
he wants you to drink
American beer on the fourth of July
like being good at drinking beer
is your last hurrah
your last chance at salvation
Uncle Sam points his skeletal finger at us all
and he doesn’t want you
to beat on your wife
but mostly he’s
looked the other way
if you do
Uncle Sam wears a bright red bow tie
and he wants you
to comply on the Fourth of July
to get in line
know your role
say yes sir yes sir
to never say no to America
to be loyal
Uncle Sam peers through piercing eyes
and wants you
to jump for joy
for America
on the Fourth of July
not just jump for joy
but to wave American flags
like they’re
cheerleader pom-poms
Uncle Sam wants you
to rah rah
harder than you’ve ever rah rahed
and cheerlead cheerlead cheerlead
Uncle Sam wants you
to yell yay America
yay America
yay America
and blow the sky up
with firecrackers
and stuff your face
with hotdogs
and drink beer drink beer drink beer
on the fourth of fucking July
until your blood bleeds
red white and fucking blue
yay red white and blue
red white and fucking blue
©️Dan Denton 2024
and a photo of a sunset after a rainstorm as viewed from my truck’s rear view mirror the other day
This is dope, pulled me right in